Stuck in the Middle

Anxiety and what to do about it

The Detour

It seems as though we Gen Xers get a “twofer” on anxiety. Not only do we carry the same worries younger generations face (work stress, the state of the world, money), but we also inherit the anxieties of the generation above us (health scares, aging parents, long-term security). Top that off with how the United States seems to be sliding into a dystopian nightmare and it feels like anxiety is the default setting these days.

The Recalculation

In psychology, one way we differentiate is this: when you’re stuck in the past, you’re often circling depression. When you’re stuck in the future, you’re often circling anxiety. Both steal the present moment. The irony is, anxiety likes to disguise itself as “responsibility.” We tell ourselves we’re just thinking ahead when in reality we’re stuck on a loop of worst-case scenarios. That loop doesn’t protect us, it drains us.

Clinically speaking, worry strengthens the brain’s anxiety pathways. Questioning and reframing weakens them and builds new ones, so over time, your brain learns a calmer route.

The Tool

Here’s the reframe I give my patients: when you’re thinking about the future, ask yourself — Am I planning, or am I worrying?

Planning sticks to facts: what’s on the calendar, what needs to be done, what’s in your control.

Worrying is pure fantasy. It’s writing a crappy screenplay in your mind where everything goes wrong.

Think of it like this: every time you worry, you’re paving a highway to Shit Town. But when you pause, ask Am I planning, or am I worrying? and then redirect, you’re carving a different road. At first it might feel like a gravel path, harder to travel. But the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Eventually, your brain defaults to the scenic route instead of the disaster rehearsal.

So if you’re going to fantasize (and we all do), at least give yourself the gift of imagining a good outcome.

From the Front Seat

“My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.”

—Michel de Montaigne